Dear
Family,
So,
yeah I am going to just be straight up honest here, it’s been a brutal week, yet,
there has been a lot of growth and pieces of tender mercies as well. Last
Monday I said goodbye to Sister Tobler, then after that is was a flurry of five
different companions and lessons until I picked up my new companion on
Wednesday. The rug kinda got ripped out from under me with that one. I never
appreciated Sister Tobler enough, she did so much! I went from riding shotgun
to in a period of two days taking over everything. We kinda put off the
goodbyes until the night before because we wanted to focus on our work, but
then before I knew it, she was gone. Everything feels different now. I remember
her quiet yet firm example everyday in everything I do. Gooness I miss that woman!
Tuesday was a tender mercy from the Lord because I was feeling really bummed
and overwhelmed plus we had two lessons with Polish members to teach. In those
two lessons, a miracle happened. I have never spoken such beautiful,
understandable Polish in my entire life. I do not even know what happened, I
was able to understand almost everything, and I could just speak for the first
time in a long time in Polish. It felt so good. It was such a blessing from the
Lord! That helped to uplift me and boost my confidence before everything fell
apart after that. I went from so confident and ready to so humbled and brought
low in such a short amount of time.
Wednesday
we went in for training before we picked up our trainees. Most of the stuff
they were talking about for trainers was still stuff I don't know or am in the
process of learning. It was pretty overwhelming. I was praying so hard that
entire day. Then next thing you know, I was in the captains seat. My trainee's
name is Sister Johnston and she is from Texas. I actually met her the night
before when we took the new trainee's out on the Rynek their first day to go
contacting, and I knew from the second I met her that she would be mine. She is
super sweet, understanding, and I love her already. She is so good at just
rolling with the flow; I love it. Sometimes
I even forget that she has only been here for just a few day's because she is
so good at just going with it. Her first name is Ellen, but everyone calls her
Ellie, just like me! We have had an interesting week!
I
guess mainly I am just trying to get everything figured out. The burden of
responsibility is pretty crushing, but so many elders and sisters have been so
good about reaching out and offering me love and support. I mainly just feel so
overwhelmed and inadequate, so frustrated by primarily my inability to speak
the language, and also not knowing how to deal with tons of stuff. I had that
one good day of speaking the language, being able to give an entire lesson, to
the next day not being able to do even a lesson in English the next. I feel
like all of the work that we have been building up in this area is going to
fail because of my lack of experience and knowledge and it just is so stressful
and frustrating. I am my trainee's lifeline, yet half the time I am looking for
my own lifeline to save me. That is when it comes down to turning to the Lord.
I don't think I have ever worked harder in my entire life for such an extended
amount of time from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30. The Lord pretty much has to carry me through
every single day somehow. We have been working with so many fantastic people
lately that I have just been so scared of failing because of my inadequacies.
My fear has been trumping my faith which is never a good thing. Honestly
though, it can only go up from here I hope. I may not speak Polish, but in
training, we learned that a trainers job is not to teach the language, it is to
teach the trainee how to be a good missionary. I may stink at everything else
we are trying to do right now, but I know that I can set the example/ standard
and pray for the Lords help with the rest. It's been probably the hardest thing
I have ever done. There has been a lot of long sleepless nights. But I know
that the Lord and President Edgren know better than I do, and they called me to
do this not because I would fail, but learn how to succeed. I just have to keep
that in mind. Keep me in your prayers.
Other activities of the last week.
We caroled on the Rynek in the pouring sleet last night. Sister Johnston didn't
find that half as halariously fun as I did haha! And then, poor Sister
Johnston, we spent her second day with 8 hours of contacting and tracting. We
also had a really cool lesson with our investigator Molly. Yeah so much has
happened I don't even remember. I am so excited for this next week though.
Wednesday we have Zone Conference on Christmas Eve, and half of the mission is
coming into Warsaw for that. Christmas day we get to have breakfast and play
sports, then of course skype our families that evening. The day after Christmas
I get to go into the mission home and stay the night for MLC (mission
leadership conference, STL stuff) and then prepare for Zone training next week.
It is going to be a good week. Anyways, I am so excited to talk with you all.
Bensons sure can do hard things! I am super bummed about Kaiser, he was a good
friend, more like a member of the family for so many years. I really will miss
him! Love you all, have a very Merry Christmas. Though this year of Christmas
is so different than any other I have ever had, I don't even care. All I care
about is my beautiful family back home. Other than the most important gift of
Christ all of those years ago, you are my most precious gift this year. Talk to
you soon.
Love,
Love,
Siostra
Ellie May
No comments:
Post a Comment