Learning to Breathe

October 27, 2014

Dear Family,

So yesterday I was sitting on the couch in our chapel building before church with all of the elders from my zone sitting or standing around me. We were all mingling and getting ready to welcome the members and investigators when they showed up for church. I think that rather than choose to feel so many emotional extremes lately, (because missionary life is full of them), I just decided to turn them off. It sounds weird, I know! I can't even cry lately. I have only cried like three times since I left on my mission which is a big deal for a girl, especially a sister missionary. But anyways, back to the chapel. I was just finishing telling the elders... ya know, I just feel so emotionally drained lately, I just turned them all off. Now I feel nothing. The elders were all like... umm what! Not possible for a girl. Right then the office elders walked in and handed me my first PACKAGE! I immediately snatched it from the Elders hands and clutched it to my chest and started bawling haha! It was pretty funny/ embarrassing! Then I got sarcastic comments like, "are you feeling yet?", "how is emotional numbness?" all day! So yes, I got the package yesterday, and thank you so much! As soon as I opened it I immediately knew that dad had picked out the candy. I told Sister Tobler, I think my dad packed the candy and then reading it in mom's note totally confirmed it! Anyways, it was pretty dang great! I loved it, THANK YOU!

Did I mention how amazing my companion is? Goodness I just love that woman. I am so very grateful for the opportunity to serve yet again with "Toby". She is truly amazing! Speaking of amazing, there is this amazing American family here named the Kosanovich's. They take such good care of the missionaries, and this week they were such a source of help and strength. Sister Kosanovich came to a challenging lesson with us, and we were in an honest sense, defenders of the truth. I felt like even though we were being challenged and confronted so intensely, my testimony was firm. I could feel the angels watching from above and standing beside us as we testified again and again that Jesus is the Christ and only through following him and the guide lines set up by our Heavenly Father will we obtain celestial glory. I also have a newfound love and respect of our prophet Thomas S. Monson, and a new understanding of the beautiful and just plan of salvation.

Well on to the Halloween party. We throw a pretty dang fantastic party if I do say so myself! It was pretty stressful trying to manage our normal work, the Halloween party, as well as Day of the Dead this upcoming week. All of which Sister Tobler and I are planning, but it was really fun. We had chili made by the senior couples with corn bread, we baked pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, a huge dessert table, pumpkin soup, whole caramel apples with toppings, and then we carved pumpkins at the end. We had the perfect amount of people show up, and had a ton of new potential investigators come.

One of the greatest reasons that gave me a desire to serve a mission is wanting take take my testimony and make it a conviction, a surety of heart. It is a life long process, but a mission is a great place to start and has been such a great source of growth and strength for me. I wanted to go through the refiners fire, so that I could become more refined, and the Lord is definitely providing opportunities for that. It is still not easy, or fun all of the time but I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be growing and learning on a mission in Poland. The people here matter just as much to God as the people at home, and someday the work will roll with great speed.

Love Sister Benson